The Power of Music

It was one of those days for me. I'm not completely sure why, but I really felt the Adversary working on me today. A few stupid things happened and I felt frustrated and inadequate and that made me whiny and upset. Not a pretty thing to be around.

My fabulous sister-in-law, Celina, who has been the big sister I never had since she married my brother nearly 15 years ago, let me vent to her. Vent is putting it mildly. But she listened.

Later, I called my mom. She has always listened to me when I needed it for as long as I've been her daughter. She was extremely patient with me because I know (and even said to her) that I was being a baby and that I already knew what I needed to do to solve my problems. She was sweet and kind and offered good advice and insight as always.

Eventually, I called my little sister. We've become so much closer as we've gotten older and I'm really grateful for that. She let me burst out with the same issues I'd already complained about to others. I knew that she got exactly where I was coming from and understood how I was feeling even if how I was feeling was a little ridiculous.

And finally, my wonderful husband dealt with me throughout the day. First I chatted with him online about what was going on and then we talked on the phone with him ever taking care of me and asking what he could do to help me feel better. He got home and got the kids dinner and then played video games with them and was even wonderful enough to still go work on our basement we're still trying to finish.

You'd think that after all this love and support I'd be doing great. It felt good to get it out, obviously, since I did it multiple times. But as I said, I know this was a day that Satan knew I needed to do good things and rise above the difficult parts of life, so he was working on me extra hard to keep me from that. As Ross got home and started bustling around doing things, my mood was still poor and pathetic. Silly, silly me.

A couple of Mother's Days ago, Ross bought me an iPod Shuffle. It took me a while to ever work up a playlist to put on it and use it. I felt bad when he'd ask me if I had liked it because there I was ignoring this gift. I finally loaded it and it has become a stress reliever for me. I usually use it when I'm cleaning house because I forget I'm cleaning (to some degree) if I'm listening to the music. (Just ask my brothers who'd get mad at me for dancing to the radio they had on while I was supposed to be helping them with the dishes.) Usually I like the upbeat songs then because they spur me on to do the work.

This evening I finally realized I needed to get in and clean the kitchen. My iPod didn't have much of a charge, but I put it on anyway. So here's the point to this post: I could hardly believe the songs that came on when I pressed play. They were exactly what I needed.

The first song is called "J'attendais" which means "I Was Waiting" and is sung by Celine Dion. I've always loved it because it talks about going through life not realizing that you were waiting for that certain someone until you meet them and their love brings more meaning to your life. Tonight, however, brought a slightly different thought to my mind because today was a day of impatience for me. I kept telling my mother how I HATE WAITING. I'm tired of things taking so long and feeling so tedious. As I heard the song tonight it made me think first of my sweet husband and that in that regard, I'm not waiting anymore. I have him and he's wonderful and he does bring so much meaning to my life. And I also thought about waiting and that it really is part of the Lord's plan. He knows what is best for us and we will learn and grow as we have to wait sometimes.

Then the song "Every Season" by Kenneth Cope came on. I love the message in it because it talks about the fact that we will have our happy, bright summers of life, but that the change of fall will come, because it always does, and brings the wintery cold of trial and hard times with it. The blessing though, and the thing to remember, is that the blossoms of life, the renewal that spring brings lies in wait and oh! how wonderful it feels and how much we appreciate it when it comes! God's presence is there in all the seasons and in all the seasons of our life. Each part is beautiful and teaches us something.

After that, a song called "If You Want Me To" came on. My sister Wendy found it and gave it to me a few years back. The girl who sings it, Ginny Owens, we later found out is blind and the song took on greater meaning. She sings about knowing that even though you can feel unsure about life, knowing that the Lord loves you gives you a desire to go through the trials anyway. There are so many lines in it like, "I'm clinging to the promise that you're not through with me yet." and "I'll remember the suffering your love put you through, and I'll go through the valley if you want me too." I guess remembering that we're never alone helps.

About that time my kids were being kids. Hungry, wanting attention, and demanding in various other ways. My patience was still short as Rebecca stood at my feet screaming and crying for no apparent reason. I couldn't console her no matter what I did. Then the song "Old Eyes" by Kenneth Cope came on. He wrote it for two of his little daughters and it speaks about the miracle of little children and how close they are to heaven having only recently left. They are "fresh from forever". They can teach us so much and help us put things in the right perspective with their innocence and faith. So I stopped trying to do other things, picked up my baby girl, and rocked her on a chair at my dining table. I think she and I both started feeling better.

A Jim Brickman song called "The Gift" sung by Collin Raye and Susan Ashton started next and I was reminded of the gifts in my life, in particular my husband. I prayed to marry the right man more than I've ever prayed about anything. I was truly blessed to have him come into my life. I love the line that says, "You saved my heart from being broken apart." He is a true gift in my life.

The next song was "Angel Standing By" by Jewel. There's not much to it. Jewel's pretty high voice and a very short, tender lyric about watching over your loved ones. It made me smile because I feel that from those who love me and also because it's on the soundtrack to the movie "Return to Me" which is an all-time favorite of ours. Warm fuzzy.

Then I heard the song "Smaointe" by Enya. I have no idea what she's singing about or even what language it is. (Gaelic, I think?) That didn't matter. Enya's music is soul soothing and I've known it to be that for a long time. My mother used to play Enya for the kids in her daycare to help them go to sleep at nap time. She has used it often in hospital stays she's had to go through. It made me think more about how music influences us like few other things do.

Another Celine Dion song came on called "Then You Look At Me". Okay, so I'm a sucker for big, over-the-top, mushy love ballads. Not everyone's preference, but as for me, I love them. Again, I thought of Ross and how he can make me feel better about everything, sometimes by just being there. Even when he's doing the "man" thing and trying to fix the problem when I'm not looking for that yet, I still know he cares and wants me to be happy as I want him to be. Having him as a partner through life to make decisions with, raise children with, and to enjoy all that we can is amazing.

Finally, the last song that spoke to me was "You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone. It's a love song, I guess, but for me it's always been my song with my mom. It came out around the time I was born and my mother connected it to me. I distinctly remember a time when it came on the radio and my mom called me into her bedroom and stood there behind me with her arms around my shoulders, rocking and crying as she talked to me about it and told me how much she loved me. It has a special place in my heart and can make me emotional. I hope my mom knows how much I love her too and hope I can ever be even the tiniest bit as wonderful as she is.

So all these songs were on the slower, mellower side and it was the music, not only the lyric, that slowly brought me out of my funk and made me think about things I hadn't been. Knowing that the Lord's plan is perfect, I'm so grateful to know that music is a part of that. I know that we need to seek out good music and not just any song that is cranked out these days.

Yes, I'm kinda sappy. I realize that as I read over what I've just written. It may also be kind of weird for me to say I think that I needed to hear these songs. Is it possible that the Lord guided those specific songs to play tonight? That sounds a little strange, but I'm not ruling anything out. What do you think?




J'attendais
Every Season
If You Want Me To
Old Eyes
The Gift
Angel Standing By
Smaointe
Then You Look At Me
You Light Up My Life