Searching for inspiration...

June 1st.
I always have hope in a new month.
Hope that I can make some good changes that will benefit me and my family.
Sometimes I get a few things done, but it's hard to feel that I've done all I can come month's end.

So, here I am at the the beginning again.

The question for myself is How do I finally break free of the same old path I always take?

It's so hard to not feel overwhelmed and pessimistic. And I'd like to think that I'm not generally a pessimistic person. I go to bed every night feeling like when I wake up I'll conquer the day. But then I actually wake up. I AM SO NOT A MORNING PERSON. (I've heard you can change that in yourself too. That'd be nice.) Most of the time, I just wake up groggy and hungry so that it takes me forever to get going. Optimism at night. Pessimism in the morning. Not the best life plan.

The simple answer is something I already know. I'm grateful to be able to look to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for the help and guidance I need.

My husband and I have been reading from little book called "Stand A Little Taller" that is filled with a scripture and quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley for each day of the year. Even though we've read it for a number of years there are still times when the day's thought matches exactly what we are feeling at the time. That happened for me a couple of months ago after a rough day I'd had. The day's thought was "Rely on the Lord". It goes as follows:

D & C 103:7 And by hearkening to observe all the words which I, the Lord their God, shall speak unto them, they shall never cease to prevail until the kingdoms of the world are subdued under my feet, and the earth is given unto the saints, to possess it forever and ever.

"The Lord has given you this glorious Church, His Church, to guide you and direct you, to give you opportunity for growth and experience, to teach you and lead you and encourage you, to make of you His chosen daughter or son, one upon whom He may look with love and with a desire to help. Of course there will be some problems along the way. There will be difficulties to overcome. But they will not last forever. He will not forsake you." -Gordon B. Hinckley

How blessed I feel to know that I will not be forsaken. I have read these words a number of times recently. I need to apply them in my own life somehow and fight against the adversary who works to keep me down with thoughts of inadequacy and low self worth. (Hate it when he does that!)

I've also realized that I can rise above my issues because I've seen others do it. I know many personally who have been amazing to watch as they deal with death, disease, job loss, or something else much more difficult than my seemingly small problems. I am inspired to see them come through it hand in hand with the Lord.

On the public forum, I've been reading and feeling inspired by the blogs of 3 women. They are familiar to many people.

My sweet sister-in-law Celeste sent my mother, sister, and other sisters-in-law an e-mail back in February asking for prayers for the little boy of a friend of hers from high school. Sara Staker's son was 16 months old when he drown in the bathtub in late January. He was dead on arrival at the hospital. He made a MIRACULOUS recovery to the point that you can't even tell he went through so much trauma.

Can't help myself. I have to post the video of his journey.


I came across Natalie Norton's blog because a friend of mine had posted a small excerpt from a post that Natalie had done for her friend's blog. Natalie lost her baby boy to pertussis in mid-January. He was just over 2 months old. He was even named after her brother who had passed away two and a half years earlier.

For a while I saw people putting a "button" on their blogs that said, "I read Nie Nie." (Random side note: It actually reminded me of my Ricks College roommate Nissa-Lynn because her nickname in the apartment seemed to be Ni-Ni. The "i" has an "e" sound in her name.) I never thought much of it and I don't really know when I first looked at Stephanie Nielson's blog. Sometime last year perhaps? However, I wasn't ever really a follower of her blog until I started reading these other two. And like so many, once I got into it, I seemed to find myself hooked. I guess she had a lot of readers prior to her 2008 plane crash, but her words and shared experiences of her trial as a burn survivor are reaching out to so many more now.

These women are blessed with the gift of writing well. I ramble a lot on my blog, but they know so well how to uplift and inspire with their thoughts. The wonderful thing is that their thoughts are not always central to the specific trial that they have gone through. They all say the most profound things on a variety of other subjects. It always makes me want to be better than I am and I guess that's why I want to share some of my favorite posts so that maybe they can inspire you too, if they haven't already.

The following 2 posts are from Sara and Natalie. It's almost eerie how similar their thoughts are.

Sara:
A week ago...right now...
Natalie:
Impossible

These two posts from Natalie are beautiful examples of a firm testimony in God and His watchful, loving care. I love that she and her family were even blessed with a little humor to cope in their time of sorrow.

impossible...except that it's not
Conversations

Especially in this one:

Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink

In a post titled "when the day is new" Natalie also shares this quote:

Indeed, there are times when the only way the path can be followed is on one's knees.

~Neal A. Maxwell

Both of these women spent time at Primary Children's Medical Center and they walked out of it with two very different results. Despite that, they both made the decision to rely on the Lord and wrote about it so movingly.

Sara:
Chasing out fear, choosing faith
Natalie:
Prayers of Faith

As I said, I haven't been reading "The Nie Nie Dialogues" for very long, so I'm not as familiar with her posts, but here is one I found that I love so much. It just makes so much sense. I love how she talks about the love and companionship of her husband and their connection. I love her willingness to share the moments when her plane crashed. I most of all love her testimony and her reminder of God and our Savior never leaving us alone. She says it much better than I did, please be assured.

Nie: on being alone

I also love this post which happened just under a year before her accident. It reminds me to enjoy those little moments that pass by all too quickly.

Attention all mothers:

If you're LDS, and even if you're not, you've probably seen the "My New Life" video of Stephanie and her husband that was done for Mormon Messages. So, so cool (for lack of a better word). My favorite part was what she had to say towards the end of the video and the concluding quote given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

"I'm just grateful that I'm here on this earth and I have the opportunity to be a mother and do the things that I love and enjoy. And I just, I don't know, I just view, I view my role now as more divine. It's something more -- not just a mother who wakes up and makes her kids food. It's a mother who enriches and teaches about the gospel of Jesus Christ, but it's a privilege, and I see it more as a privilege than anything. To me, beauty and motherhood are one; they're the same thing. There is a plan for us, and it's a plan that will ultimately give us the greatest joy and happiness that we will ever experience, and it is only possible through Jesus Christ. And I am grateful for this trial, and it's a blessing, even though it's hard and it's challenging, and it will be for a while."

"It's our spiritual nature, though, to turn to our God, who gave us life and has given us this mortal experience -- to turn to Him either to thank Him for the happy times or to pray for his help in the hard times." (Husband Christian's words)

"I think my relationship with Heavenly Father was really good, and it still is really good, but spiritually now I have a better sense of who I am, what my divine purpose is, what I'm doing here on earth, why I'm still here. Life has a different meaning to me than it did before."

"When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple.

Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God’s love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Stephanie's husband has been writing on the blog lately because she is in the hospital again for more surgeries. They are a good match because one of his recent posts was inspiring also. (I highly recommend watching the Mormon Message he links to of President Monson as well.)

Special Rooms

My husband and I loved Elder Bednar's conference talk from October 2009 and this recent post from Sara was a good reminder of it. Consistency, if nothing else.

A Tower of Cups and a Wheat Field

And this, also from Sara, reminds me to prioritize what I do with and for my family each day.

Leftovers

Most of us have seen the YouTube video of the little girl singing to herself in the bathroom mirror about how great life is and how she can do anything. I loved what Natalie added to it when she posted it on her blog.

i like my aunts, i like my allisons

Okay, I'll stop now. I know I have a tendency to go overboard. If you really care enough to, you surely won't be able to read all the posts I've linked to in one sitting. I hope you can read at lest a few though and feel what I have felt.
However, I will end with the first post I read from Natalie, the one she wrote for her friend. It speaks to me and my current issues of striving (Don't you love that word? It means you don't have to be perfect.) to be a better wife and mother and woman.

This was written just a few weeks after she lost her baby.

Love Meets the Crazy: guest blogger Natalie Norton.

Natalie here. I HAVE to start by saying, THANK YOU to those of you who prayed for baby Gavin. Truly. I know many of you literally lifted your entire hearts in prayer on his behalf, and I am deeply grateful to you. DEEPLY.PROFOUNDLY.ABUNDANTLY grateful. I love you.

So what am I doing here on The Coterie? Well, Heather asked me to share a few thoughts on love to kick off the season.

Disclaimer:

Truth be told?

• My house is a mess.
• My kids? Well, they definitely need a bath.
• If you come to my house, NEVER open a drawer, and enter the bathroom at your own risk.
• My kids pee in parking lots and hit strangers kids at the park.
• I don't know anything about most things and know very little about everything else.
• I don't DO any of the things I'm about to share with you all.the.time. I WISH I did. Oh, how I wish I did.
  
• At the end of the day, you just do the best you can, then hit the hay, roll out of bed, and start all over again tomorrow.
  

Alllllllll that said,

here are some tips and tricks I've learned over the years
to keeping the love ALIVE in a house full of crazy.
(oh, and one thing I DO know a lot about? A house full of crazy!)

ultimately, it all boils down to this:

Love YOURSELF
and there will always be an abundance of love left
for everyone else

In my world,

1. loving myself means putting one load of laundry in every morning, FIRST THING.

Laundry is the ultimate SUCK, and I HATE nothing more than hearing my husband and my kids say "Mo'om I can't find any clo'othes!"

I've decided that I love myself too much to allow myself to get behind. Having clean clothes to wear everyday, well, it shows my man and my boys that I love them too.

2. loving myself means, sorting my mail as I walk in from the mailbox.

If I'm not careful, every single surface in my home will be COVERED by papers in 6 seconds flat. Subsequently, I feel like I can NEVER open my front door all the way when Neighbor Nelly comes a callin' unannounced.

Junk mail goes straight into the trash (I walk past the can to reach my front door). Bills go directly into the "bill cubby" the second I walk in the door, and everything that needs to be filed is filed immediately (I keep my filing system on my kitchen counter right by my fridge, so it's always accessible).

I love myself too much to feel embarrassed by my house all.the.time. Keeping things clean also shows my boys (Richie included) I love them too much to make them live in squalor.

3. loving myself means taking care of my body.

when I'm on the ball in the love department, everyday I do four things:

1. exercise (you can ALWAYS find time one way or another)
   
2. eat sensibly (that does NOT equal "diet like it's goin' outta style")
3. shower (it helps me remember I'm alive)
   
4. go to bed at a reasonable hour (aka I have to ditch out on trash tv)

Enough said.

4. Loving myself means FINDING A FREAKING BABYSITTER.

If I love ANYONE in my life, myself, my kids, my husband, my bank teller. . . I'll get a *babysitter at LEAST once a week. If I don't have that kind of break . . . oy to the ve!

Richie and I try to go out once a week. . . at least. I know more than once a week is unrealistic for most families, but we've had some extenuating circumstances in our family recently and we've found that more time together as a couple is a NECESSITY for everyone involved. If life's a little more high stress than normal, you may want to give this a shot.

If you don't have a significant other, ditch the kids and go to a movie solo. . . I do it all the time. Not as awkward as you'd assume. Trust me.

*If you can't afford a sitter, do a babysitting trade with another family in the neighborhood. FIND.A.WAY. You won't regret it.

5. Loving myself means connecting with God.

Whether through studying sacred text or listening to beautiful music or praying or reaching out to someone in need. . . I've got to take the time to connect with God every.single.day. Ultimately, he IS love after all, right? So knowing him, well, knowing him means knowing love. :)

How do YOU show love to yourself/those around you?

Happy Valentines Day Folks!

xo.

N

Uplifting stuff, isn't it? And as for myself, I shined my sink before I went to bed. That's thanks to FlyLady and her Beginner Baby Steps. I feel great.

Happy Mother's Day 2010

We enjoyed a very happy Mother's Day this year. Ross got me a bouquet of irises on Friday and they had bloomed by Sunday. I was excited he found some for a good price! They make me fall in love with him again every time he gives them to me. (How's that for a sappy comment?)

I taught Relief Society the week before and wished the sisters a Happy Mother's Day this year. I told them how it never made any sense to me when my mom said she had many Mother's Days that she felt like a horrible mother. She always felt like she couldn't live up to the moms that people spoke about in church that day. You know, the ones who never yell, have a spotless home, and children who obey and read their scriptures every day? That's a tall order. But I knew that my mother was and is wonderful and I would get up and talk about all that wonderfulness on Mother's Day if ever I was asked. So I determined that I wouldn't spend Mother's Days when I became a mother focusing on my faults. As I said to the sisters in my ward, there's 364 other days in the year to beat yourself up about how you're not perfect, so give yourself a break on Mother's Day! :o)
(Actually, the closest I came to feeling down was a couple of years ago, but my baby was only 3 weeks old, so I blame the hormones and say that doesn't count!)

My kids and husband gave me a cute card that was four cards in one. Very sweet and very funny.

Rebecca got right up close to Ross as he was trying to take pictures. Her eyes still aren't as dark brown as her siblings and I think this shot shows how gray they look. Very cool. (She'd just finished eating and still had a dirty face, as shown here...)

My children and I with the little gifts they gave me. (Note that I am NOT a perfect mother as you can see some toys sticking out from under the couch!)

My parents came in and dropped off a present for me. I gave my mom a CD I'd made for her. She gave me a cool new oven mitt and a copy of the Lay Family Cookbook my sister has been compiling for us all. Hooray for new recipes! (And note how we had cleaned up the toys sticking out from under the couch. See? I can give myself credit when I need to!)

This makes me laugh and laugh. Samantha made it in her 2nd grade class. I am not much of a camper even though I'd really like to be. Maybe she was dropping hints? And the picture on the bottom is the best! She explained that it is Bolt the Dog and Mittens the Cat (from the Bolt movie) kissing. I'm not sure what that has to do with Mother's Day, but it's obvious that she is not yet the mushy romantic that her mother is. My nephew Caleb is in Samantha's class at school and I saw that on his he'd drawn some pretty flowers for his mom. Me? I just get a picture that says kissing is gross! :o)

V is for Vigilante

For as long as I can remember the Vigilante Parade has taken place on the first Friday in May. I'm still puzzled as to why it was moved up a week this year and took place on April 30th instead. The weather is notoriously bad almost no matter what, but bumping it up a week just seems to ensure that it will be lousy! And it was cold and there was snow still melting slowly off the ground from the spring storm we'd had the previous day, but we went anyway and enjoyed it like we always do!
It's a strange tradition to those who don't live in the Helena area, but it's an old one. I put a little history of the high school parade in the beginning of this post about our parade experience last year. (Just in case you are dying to know all about it.)


Here's a float depicting the Helena Cathedral. What a nice day for a white wedding! ;o)

We brought our chairs this year and I even packed lunches for the kids to eat while they watched. They loved that a lot!

Rebecca was a little bit restless, as you can see in this picture. She just wanted to run out into the street!

Samantha, Rebecca, and Logan watching the floats go by

A cute smile from our Becky

Just as the parade got over we saw our friend Mckinzie who babysits for us sometimes.

This picture is from that night and too funny to me not to include. We ordered a pizza from Papa John's and Rebecca tried to eat the pepper that they include in the box. I thought it might be too hot for her, so I gave her some banana peppers I happened to have instead. As I said when I posted this on Facebook, I fully expected her little face to pinch up as she tasted the intense sour flavor. Nope! She popped them in like candy and kept asking for more nummies. She is such a good eater!!! It is a saving grace for me.

The next week Logan decided to dress up as the "Wizard McSmells" from a story book we have. I loved his outfit. Especially the one boot, one glove thing.

This is my Luke in a "Take a picture of me, Mom!" moment. Cute toes.

This is one of the shortest videos ever coming in at one second long, but it shows Rebecca dancing and makes me smile. (I was still trying to figure out how to work the video on our new camera.)

Threety-3

This is a silly post. A somewhat frivolous post. Perhaps a slightly vain post because I'm writing about myself...

But, oh well!

I had a birthday.

For me, it happens every year on April 28th at 8:48 P.M. It could have happened sooner, but when do I ever do anything on time? My mother reports that that day was the FOURTH time she'd gone in to be induced. I'd been due to come 3 weeks earlier. (And oh how grateful this makes me that doctors don't let a woman go so long past her due date anymore!)

Waaaay back in 1993, I put together a photo album for a Personal Progress project in Young Women at church. Personal home computers were still not the norm and so I went to my Uncle Jim's house to use his. He helped me with some of the title pages for each section and it made me laugh when for the section containing pics of my birthday over the years he put this:

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!"

So for that reason, I am thankful each year to reach another birthday. Getting older is a blessing despite the grays sneaking into the brown of my hair and the crinkly lines beginning around my eyes. Let's be honest. I still fight pimples every once in a while, so that keeps me feeling youthful, right? haha

My day started with wishes for a happy day from my children and husband. Ross and Samantha headed out the door and while the kids watched Sesame Street, I indulged myself by finding some romantic movie quotes I've been wanting for a while. Find of the day? From The Princess Bride, Westley and Buttercup saying this:

"Hear this now: I will always come for you. -But how can you be sure? -This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?"

You can get it at http://www.moviesoundscentral.com/princessbride.htm.
Because you know you want to.

I then spent the morning baking myself a cake. There was a show-stopping one on the cover of my December/January issue of the Taste of Home magazine. Alas, my attempt only sort of resembled that beautiful picture, but it turned out tasty enough. :o)

I called my mom around lunch time and she said she'd come into town and take the kids and I to The RB for lunch. It's a little drive-in restaurant that been in town since 1945 and was originally called The Root Beer Stand. My family lived right behind it on Warren Street for a couple of years and I remember walking over often for their delicious fish and chips or hamburgers. Definite favorite.


(Old school photo from about 1967)

Ross got home around 4:00 and we got ready for our date. My cousin Jared's darling 14 year old daughter, Jayden, came and watched the kids for us so we could go out on a Wednesday night. I guess I have this thing about doing something to celebrate a birthday on the actual day, so it was nice of her to come on a school night!

Before we left I got some presents from my husband and children. They gave me a bag filled with a new pair of shoes, some fun new pajama pants, and the movie "The Young Victoria". I said this on my Facebook page, but -- WOW! -- did I love that movie! So fabulous. I'd done a report on Queen Victoria my senior year in high school and so I knew some about her life. It was amazing to see it on screen. It only covered a few years, but it was romantic and dramatic and the costuming was exquisite! It's no wonder that it won the Oscar for Best Costume Design. It was also very clean which is such a rarity these days that I'm grateful to find a movie that is.

In the spirit of being picture happy, which I have a tendency to be on this blog, here's a few examples of the gorgeous dresses and romance from the film:








(And yes, 3 of them are just of her wedding dress, but I love all three. And perhaps I should have just done a post on this movie all by itself!!!)

Ross and I went to a restaurant in town called On Broadway. Yes, it is on Broadway Street. Clever. ;o) It's a place I've always wondered about since I was a little girl, but I'd never been. I'm pleased to say I enjoyed it and it was nice for a fancy-ish date. We drove around town and did a little shopping afterward and that was our simple, but pleasant birthday evening.

The internet is a fun thing and as silly as it is, I really love getting birthday wishes from people on my Facebook page that I wouldn't normally hear from. I love staying connected and it was fun to check my page all day to see who sent me a little well-wishing note.

Here's the kids and I with my cake. I had to put up two pictures because Luke's face is so funny in both of them. There were a couple where he was smiling or laughing, but these are classic.



This next one is my girls and I with Jayden in the background. Those new shoes I'm wearing are 4 inch heels! Never had any quite that high. It was an adventure walking as I worked to break them in, but they are fun anyway.


And last of all, here's me being silly. I had to get a pic of these great pajama pants. My boys have Batman and Superman jammies and now I have some of my own BatGirl pj's! And they are purple to boot! The lace detail on the bottom is awesome because I know that when I think of superheroes lace is usually what comes to mind. Doesn't it for you? ;o)

Hooray for 33!

Rebecca's Birthday Bash!

It's hard to believe, but Rebecca is 2 now! We celebrated her birthday on Monday. We've been working to get her to answer the question, "How old are you, Becky?" She replies when she's in the mood. :o) When that happens, it is cute to hear her say, "I two."
Rebecca was born three days before her cousin Brady, so my sister-in-law Kathy and I decided to combine parties this year. One party, one cake to join us all. My parents were kind enough to let us get together at their house. Ryan and his family came too and as always it was good, cleanish fun.


Rebecca and the kids on the way to Grammy and Papa's house

The two years old cuties

Grandma Lay made them this cute sign. We were thrilled they held hands for the picture!

Ross and Ken holding Becky and Brady up next to their decorations. (Balloons strung that high courtesy of Uncle Ryan and his tallness.)

Opening gifts. Papa Lay picked out this Angel Kitty for Becky.

Hooray! A new tea set, a wand that lights up, and a hat to match a darling new outfit

Post present ripping. Love the expressions on both kids' faces here!

We couldn't get Brady to kiss Becky back, but Becky was more than willing to kiss Brady even if he wasn't lovin' it!

Both Kathy and I forgot to bring any birthday candles, so my mother found these huge tapered candles and we went with it. Unfortunately, my brother Ken started cutting the cake before we'd gotten any pictures of it or done the candle thing. Oh well! The cake is still cute, but seriously, why do they make the balloons so thick with frosting????

Yummy Costco cake

She loves to share and offered her daddy a drink right as he took the picture. He calls it "This Bud's for you." (And by "Bud" we of course mean juice.)

We opened Grandma and Grandpa Wilkins' card when we got home because even though I'd taken it with us, I forgot to give it to her at the party.

Rebecca has been making life fun for us in a lot of ways.
She really, really loves taking baths and would be willing to do it multiple times a day if we let her.

She loves, loves, loves her Grandpa Lay and calls him Papa. When Grandma Lay comes to visit, the first thing out of her mouth is usually, "Papa?" Grandma took my kids out to her house one day. My dad and Ross were doing a surveying job in the area in the work truck, so my dad's white truck was sitting in his driveway. My mom told Becky when she asked about him that Papa was at work, but she kept insisting he was there by saying, "Papa Truck!!!" Too funny.
I also loved that when we were watching the DVD Ross made for his parents' 50th anniversary when Grandpa Wilkins came up on the screen she also starting yelling, "Papa! Papa!"

She is doing this funny thing now when she doesn't particularly like something that you're doing with or for her. She'll bow her head a little and look up at you with a furrowed brow, then lower her voice and say a drawn out, "Hey!"

She got good at pointing out all her body parts as we started teaching them to her. One day I realized that even though we hadn't meant to teach it to her she happily also pointed out where her bum is. Silly girl.

And just for fun, here's some of our favorite pics of Rebecca over the last two years. She is such a doll and has grown up so much!

Newborn Baby Rebecca (Isn't the hat great?)

Pretty baby on her Blessing Day

Looking darling in her flower swimsuit just after her first trip to the beach.

What's not to love about this one? The smile! The baby toes! So cute!

Lady in Red -- Christmas dress 2008

First visit with St. Nicholas

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...

Splish Splash, I was takin' a bath! (Which she'll do ANY time you even say the word.)

First Birthday

Hard at work watching Daddy work

She's got all the right moves

These are the moments I love as a mother. Sleeping children are so sweet.

Mischief Maker. She was right in front of me and I still didn't notice she was playing with my nail polish...

Boo for Halloween 2009

You can tell she enjoyed the Boysenberry Pie we'd just made from California berries that Grandma Wilkins brought from her garden up to Montana for us! YUM! YUM! YUM!

Her little mouth is so adorable in this picture. You want to come kiss her now too, right?

Our Gorgeous Girl on her 2nd Birthday. (Yes, she preferred the bunny card to the money that came in it.) :o)

The Birthday Song. I love Ken's "indignation" at the end that we sang to the kids without him. :o)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY REBECCA!!!!